Father, in Jesus' name, I am blown away by Your mercy, grace, and love that constantly flow in my direction. I feel like I am stuck and getting frustrated as there are moments when it seems like I am getting traction only for me to slowly sink back in the mud. God, I feel like the Israelites in the desert doing a lot of walking but not making any progress. I feel like my son's hamster running on its wheel.
From my perspective, others seem to be moving ahead with You and I feel like I've been left behind. At times I feel like everyone else is getting picked to play and my name is not being called. When I do get opportunities to get in the game it does not seem long before I am back on the bench. I know that I am not ready. I am not sure that I ever will be. Father, there is so much that You are revealing about my heart, in this season, that needs the healing grace of Christ. Yet it is so hard for me to bring and surrender my heart to You.
God, You have used this pandemic and all the unrest to expose some things to me. I've learned that I neither love nor trust You nearly as much as I thought that I did. I do not do well loving, leading, and serving my bride and kids. I do not really have strong, loving bonds and relationships with others in the body of Christ. I feel like I am losing my grip, headed for the canvas, and ready to throw in the towel. At times, I am ready to plead with You to bring me to Yourself as it obviously is not working all that well for me on earth as a worshiper of God, husband, father, brother, and minister of the gospel. Often, I am just taking up space and failing to steward over what You've entrusted to me for Your Kingdom purposes and Your glory. I am one who has learned to wax eloquently with my lips about You even when my heart is far from You and my life fails to reflect You.
God, I confess that I am getting angry, apathetic, cynical, depressed, despondent, discouraged, doubtful, frustrated, and even indifferent. I am beginning to see that what I have envisioned for my life, family, and ministry as a follower of Jesus is quite different than what You have planned. You are allowing me to be crushed so that the sweet-smelling aroma of Christ and the anointing oil of the Holy Spirit flow freely out of my life. As much as I do not like it, help me to trust You, Jesus, the One who was crushed and broken for me on the cross. Bring me to the end of myself so that I may find the beginning of You. Reveal Yourself, Jesus, to me, knock me off of my high horse and bring me to complete surrender to You. Help me to die to myself that You, Jesus, may live Your resurrected life through me.
God, I would so like for You to change the present circumstances and unleash me as an ambassador for Christ to minister the reconciling power of the cross to the broken, hurting, and the lost in this world. Yet, God, I ask in the midst of the circumstances that You change me, transform me, and conform me more and more into the image of Jesus. So that Jesus would be revealing Himself to others through me. I do not know what to do or have the power, in and of myself, to do anything that glorifies Your name and advance Your Kingdom. Help me to be in intimate fellowship with You so that all that I do flows out of that.
God, I need to hear from You and ask that Your holy presence goes before me. For if You do not then do not let me move from here. After walking with You for 23 years there is still far more of David than Jesus. Thank You that when I am ready to let go that You never let go. Thank You that the good work that You've begun in me that You will continue until the day of Jesus Christ. God, I have come to realize that You do not need me and neither does anyone else. I and everyone need You! The mind-blowing thing is that You want me. So I ask that You continue to work a work in my life, marriage, family, and ministry that if You had told me in advance that I would not be able to believe it. Continue to glorify Your name in and through me and in all the earth. In Jesus' name. Amen!
Listen to the song 'Unfinished' from Mandisa and let the Lord encourage your soul. God bless!!!